Are Public Servants honoring the words “brother” and “sister” when they see each other?

I grew up an only child and I came to rely heavily on my neighborhood and school friends to be my “brothers” and “sisters” when I was growing up. Many of them had siblings and I observed them through their ups and downs as they had arguments or disagreements and they held one another accountable. I often heard the proverbial, “If you do that, I’m going to tell mom and dad!” or the “Be careful, I did the same thing when I was your age and I broke my arm!”

Siblings earn trust in one another and they share their life experiences in working cooperatively under the guidance of “the household rules” and other boundaries set by their parents. For those who grew up an only child such as myself, we often formed close relationships with our friends and may have even been seen as an extended “member of the family.” We even respected the rules set by our friend’s parents. I recall the experience of being corrected for my misbehavior a few times while under the watchful eye of my friend’s parents. Families share love and empathy in forming special bonds and they provide care for one another when they become ill. They follow the household rules and they cooperatively form the basis for organizational operations in completing daily tasks. Growing up I had the privilege and opportunity to attend a high school that was rich in culture, discipline, and tradition. We formed lifelong relationships with our classmates based on faith, scholarship, leadership, and moral character. We refer to our class alumnus as “brothers.”

I am a flawed human being who has made mistakes and I have even made poor choices in living my life, but having a great family and friends has guided me to a life of public service. My family has grown exponentially and I am proud to be a part of it. This vocation is often referred to as having a family culture. We look to protect our fellow Guardians and we respect the rules of our chosen trade. We are no longer children and the rules of the house are now set by those we serve. Public servants form bonds and they honor the rich traditions, discipline, scholarship, leadership, and moral character of their vocation. We are human and we make mistakes and sometimes we make poor choices. We grow together each day holding ourselves and other members of our family accountable, all while mentoring and taking care of one another.

We need to keep our family healthy and we must have a conversation with our “brothers” and our “sisters” in public service just as siblings do in setting expectations and the household standards. If we are going to call each other “brother” and “sister” then we need to have some tough conversations sooner rather than later on the topic of moral courage if we want to be a family that honors trust and community respect. Robert F. Kennedy said, “Few men are willing to brave the disapproval of their fellows, the censure of their colleagues, the wrath of their society. Moral courage is a rarer commodity than bravery in battle or great intelligence. Yet it is the one essential, vital quality of those who seek to change a world which yields most painfully to change.” Our family is courageous and moral courage needs to be modeled by each member, especially in our leaders. That means it must be reflected in our lives both on duty and off duty.

If we do not have difficult conversations with our public safety family it could be uncomfortable later in our career when we are asked by a family member to do something that could pose an ethical dilemma. It should start something like this, “You are worth all of my strength and energy and I promise to fight beside you if you need me. I will bring you home at the end of every day and I ask that you do the same for me. I will go through a door with you to face evil if called to do so but make no mistake, I will never lie for you. So as my brother or sister I’m asking you to never ask me to lie for you. I will never sacrifice my ethical integrity and I will hold you accountable as I expect you to hold me accountable if ever needed. We will make mistakes in this career field and I’m willing to tell mom and dad if you do something wrong because in our line of work mom and dad are the members of the community we swore to serve and their trust is fragile and I don’t want to break that.”

If we are going to refer to our co-workers as a family than we need to choose carefully who the leaders of those families are and if their guidance honors the ethical code of our vocation. There may be cases in which we need to leave a toxic family, remove individuals who are toxic from our family, and move on. If we are asked to be “team players” and asked if we “would choose them over us” then the answer should be that we are team players only if the team is one made of ethical leaders and not liars. We are all in the people business and “them” is the people we swore an oath to serve.

If we are family then we also need to look out for the wellness of our brothers and sisters. If we see public servants being damaged by stress, PTSD, emotional trauma, illness, and all the other negative effects that we know are common in this career field then we need to intervene and help each other. When we see our family become ill emotionally and/or physically, we need to take care of them like family. We often do more for our own children, brothers, and sisters than we do for our co-workers yet we call our co-workers “brother” and “sister.” If they are family then we need to honor those titles if we really mean what we say. So many members of public service retire and live a short lifespan after retirement. They become physically ill and develop horrible diseases, PTSD, depression, substance use disorders, and other debilitating illnesses and we have no aftercare for these heroes. We work amongst noble Guardians and they deserve the right to live long and happy lives. We need to check on them regularly as we would a brother and sister. Just because they retire doesn’t mean they are no longer a part of our family.

We have our ups and downs; we laugh together and we feel pain together. I am not afraid to tell you that I love you my brothers and sisters and I care about you. I thank you for protecting my family, my child, and my community. Thank you for honoring our vocation with leadership, compassion, and nobility. We are a growing family, we care for one another, and we are proud of what we do in service to others. If you are a noble Guardian please join our family and we will welcome you as a brother and or sister. SERVIAM